It’s the season of gratitude. and even so that gratitude hasn’t come easy for me lately. i have a ‘new normal’ that I haven’t quite gotten use to. everything has changed and it’s uncomfortable… awkward like the 8th grade dance. who knew a bowl cut and a quaker style dress wouldn’t earn me my first dance with a boy. i laugh thinking of that moment. i am smiling in the pictures… full of anticipation. mercifully 9th grade did come and hair grows out over the summer. and i began again. funny things is… this time around I am the author of this current change. that isn’t always the case. it seems we are often swept along into change without choice and control. but not this time. one day i put my scaredy pants away and took a bold (arguably insane) leap into the unknown. financial independence for the first time. being alone. creating new traditions and ways to be a ‘family’ with my children. letting go of what WAS hurts to my core. especially when my children ask me how santa will find them in this new place. 16 years of marriage and suddenly i’m on my own. some days I am over joyed that I wrote this new beginning to my story. other days I am stuck mourning the past and wondering where all my brave resolve went. it’s the in-between that gets me. the transitions. makes me think about moving from airplane to half moon… or triangle to twisted triangle. that transition… at times awkward, at worst painful, at best slow and mindful and a little frustrating. but there is a time for everything. we can’t stay in airplane forever. gotta land somewhere. perhaps each breath is a way of transition. an exchange of energy and physiology that moves us and prepares us for that next breath. i don’t know why change happens. i can’t pinpoint the moment that shift occurs. i only know we can’t go back. back into the airplane from the airplane. transition must happen first. to that next pose. that next moment. so i am grateful for this ‘in-between’ place. as i prepare to move forward to my next pose i have a moment of reflection. what have i learned? how can i use this experience to unfold a little more. love a little deeper. forgive a bit more freely. begin again. and again and again. gratitude then for the 8th grade dance that wasn’t a dance after all haha and gratitude now for my new normal. my new story.