New Year… new me?

Fear is the only four letter word that offends me.  It’s a creepy sort of word.  Creeps into my life like a stealth warrior, sword in hand, ready to steal my joy… my peace.  It shows up as I parent my children.  When I am in front of my students teaching.  As I lay my hands of healing on a massage therapy client.  It comes in the back door of my mind as I look to my future.. relationships, finances, career… its reach knows no bounds.  It has run wild over my emotions and played me like a fool in my friendships.  All begging the question, “Am I enough?” And the kicker is this… it has only had power over me to the extend that I have allowed it.  

We all have stuff.  There is no escaping this broken world and all the woundings and valleys we fall in to from the mountain top we think we stood on… if only for a moment.  But something happens when we choose.  When we choose love.  Instead.  Because they don’t exist together.  There is EITHER love or there is fear.  That is all.  They both take up space in our souls. Greedily.  They don’t share and play nice together.  So I have decided.  And in deciding, become aware that it is a minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day CHOICE.  Either I will live from a place of fear today.  Or I will embrace the love that is all around me, inside me, enveloping me.  We must simply break down the walls of our resistance to it.  Fear is comfortable for many – it has been for me.  I have lived it, breathed it into others, propagated it to those who looked to me for hope, harbored it against those who tried to love me.  It became like a blanket I used to protect myself against whomever and whatever I perceived as a threat.  And then everything was gone.  I got to the bottom of me and saw that fear is bottomless… I could continue on that path on my way to NO WHERE.  Or I could choose love and get NOW HERE.

I choose love.  Every day.  And not that sappy everything is rainbows bullshit.  No.  It’s the reality that in choosing love I have ended the reign of fear in my life.  Freedom.  To express myself.  To love who I love.  To do what I love to do with PASSION.  To touch the lives of others with the gifts I have been given.  And I AM enough.  

“What if religion was each other?
If our practice was our life?
If prayer was our words?
What if the temple was the Earth?
If forests were our church?
If holy water – the rivers, lakes, and oceans?
What if meditation was our relationships?
If the Teacher was life?
If wisdom was self-knowledge?
If love was the center of our being.” ~ Ganga White



About gottagirl12

I ramble. Always have. So that's what this blog is about - saving all my friends from my endless banter and nonsense. Perhaps you will find me funny at times or a little on the romantic/nostalgic meaningful side, but honestly this is my therapy. I'm not concerned with how I am received. Or if my grammar and spelling are acceptable. Nope. That was college and corp america. Now that I am pushing 40, had 2 kids and recently separated, my level of caring about what others might think has dropped significantly. But if you are gonna read and comment and such, then be my guest. Perhaps we can learn something along the way. I've been teaching yoga since 2008 and a bodyworker since 2011. I live and work in Charlotte, NC.
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