The interesting thing is not that change happens… it’s that change MUST happen.
I remember when my kids were very young and they would be intensely involved in an activity, their little brows furrowed as they concentrated on the playdoh figure or making the lego castle. They were content… until the moment they realized it was time to do something else… ugh – bring on the tantrum because the world has come to an end as they know it. All the parents say in unison, ‘Yeah, been there, got the t-shirt’. It took time, but slowly they figured out by the age of 5 or 6 that it wasn’t the end of the world afterall and that the next activity might actually be… fun? So I was thinking just yesterday – does this mean I’m still a child at heart? Hopefully in some ways this is true! However, I would like to imagine that maturity has finally arrived by the age of 38. Perhaps it’s not a lack of maturity, but rather a lack of awareness that change is not a random unexpected event. It is a constant companion. Always present, even if undetected.
And so it is. Undetected indeed. It turns out that All of life IS change. A dance with the universe. The ebb and flow in our lives truly does have rhythm, even if it seems to be abrupt and downright violent at times. When I look back over recent history in my life I can see the pattern, the perfection of timing… almost as if there is a master planner. One who sees it all and like a coach, sends in his players at just the right moment and makes a substitution when each needs rest.
I have needed rest. Life. Decisions. Mistakes. Consequences. Truth. Disappointment. Betrayal. Expectation. All have conspired to take their toll. And when I look deeply into my heart I realize that at the moment of loss – losing something I valued – there was relief. Relief that it wasn’t mine after all. That I am free from it. Only bound and enslaved because I CHOSE to be. Funny. The things we choose when we think we can save the world and everyone in it. Didn’t you know I wore a cape on my back? Why yes, with a capital ‘G’. Only the truly arrogant think they can do it all. I really don’t want to be that. Not anymore. And so I have made a different choice. To be FREE. So coach called in a substitution and it’s name was CHANGE. As a good friend once told me, “G, you gotta keep it moving”. The fact is, I am uncomfortable with change, just as most of us are. But deep down there is a thread of excitement. Anticipation. Because I trust. I trust that there will be something ELSE. That the end is not the end afterall. But rather it is the beginning of something MORE.
I realized something else… about those who love me. Those I love. Those kindred spirits who are on a similar path… we don’t lose each other when Change comes. Instead, we carry each other in our hearts, memories, and in our very souls. Because we are all connected by threads of humanity. And I am grateful for each. They have been my teachers and though some lessons where long and difficult, I am better for it. So I pray they are as well.
And so i smile… and I sigh. Gotta Keep it moving…